Great interviews we'll never see on MSNBC

Summary: Katie Couric recently reminisced about how the Bush Administration, facing questions it didn't like concerning the invasion of Iraq, threatened to cut off press access to the Administration.

What if the Administration had actually gone through with its threats?

What would we have really missed from not seeing a more press-friendly Administration?

I'd like to present a hypothetical look at two interviews we never would have seen (though technically, we still haven't):

#1. Chris Matthews asks Condoleezza Rice a single question, and all Hell breaks loose

#2. Keith Olbermann interviews George Bush (do I need an explanation?)

  First, the setup:

COURIC: I remember doing an interview, and the Press Secretary called our Executive Producer and said, "We didn't like the tone of that interview."  And we said, "Well, tough.  We had to ask some of these questions."  They said, "Well, if you keep it up, we're gonna block access to you during the war."

  Now, of course, at the time, both Mr. Bush and his invasion had support from the majority of Americans.  So I can understand (though not agree with) why anyone in the mainstream press would be afraid of getting cut off from a popular President over a popular invasion.  Ms. Couric went on to say that she didn't give into the pressure to tone things down (good for you), but the key point was that a threat existed.
  But in hindsight, how big of a loss would it really have been for a network to lose access to the Bush Administration?
  For humor's sake, I decided to conjure up some hypothetical interviews that never happened due to such a boycott.  I'm not trying to make any big statements here.  I'm just trying to entertain.
  Hope this does something for you, and if not, oh well.

Chris Matthews interviews Condoleezza Rice

MATTHEWS: So, Dr. Rice, how are you feeling?
RICE: (talking like a teacher from the Peanuts cartoons) Gwaku gwa gwaka gwaka gwa.

Five minutes later...

RICE: Gwaku gwa gwaka gwaka gwa...
MATTHEWS: I'm sorry, Dr. Rice.  I can't let this go on any further.  I repeat my question.  How are you feeling?
RICE: Gwaku gwa gwaka gwaka...

A minute and a half later.

MATTHEWS: No, no, no.  I'm sorry.  Dr. Rice, please answer the question.  How...are...you...feeling?
RICE: Gwaku gwa gwaka...
MATTHEWS: ...no.  Don't give me that.  I asked you a very simple question, and you've spent the past...good grief...six and a half minutes not answering it.  You aren't testifying in front of Congress about something horribly wrong you did.  This is Hardball, and I'm asking you a nice, friendly question.  Now please answer it.  How are you feeling?
RICE: Gwaku gwa...
MATTHEWS: You don't know, do you?!  You have no idea how you're feeling right now, do you?  You...
RICE: ...gwaku...
MATTHEWS: ...don't give me that!  I asked you a very simple question, and you don't know the answer.  Just admit it!  Don't dance around the subject!  Just say, "I don't know!"
RICE: Gwa...
MATTHEWS: Say it!  Say it!  Say it!
RICE: I'm sorry, Chris.  You're right.  I have a tendency to ramble.  Now what was the question?
MATTHEWS: HOW...ARE...YOU...FEELING?!
RICE: Gwaku gwa gwaka...
MATTHEWS: AAAGGGHHH!!!

Keith Olbermann interviews George W. Bush

OLBERMANN: Mr. Bush, you recently said, "And we need to recognize that the only way that America can lose the 'War on Terror' is if we defeat ourselves."  Now, is your Administration just completely unaware that a "War on Terror" is unwinnable, or are you just pretending it's winnable to you can justify indefinite detentions and unlimited surveillance and such?
BUSH: Uh...no habla el...Soviet...commie-speak.
OLBERMANN: This isn't "commie-speak", sir.  It's practicality.  Do you, or do you not, know that this "War on Terror" of yours is unwinnable?
BUSH: You're not allowed to ask me that!  I've got rights, you know.  Your questions are invading my...sovereign nation.
OLBERMANN: You're claiming...diplomatic immunity...from an interview?

Bush pulls out a pencil, takes off his flag-pin, and sticks the pin into the eraser, creating a miniature flagpole.  He then sticks it onto the arm of his chair.

BUSH: See?  Sovereign nation.  Now you can't touch me.
OLBERMANN: Oh, my God.  You're ripping off "Petoria" from "Family Guy".
BUSH: Well, it's better than ripping off "1984" again.
OLBERMANN: Touché.
BUSH: What did you just call me?
OLBERMANN: Nothing.  I just said, "Touché."
BUSH: That's French for "douche", isn't it?  Listen here, comrade.  I've been putting up with your crap ever since Cheney told me about you last week.  You've got to learn to respect the office.  It was people like me who fought off the British to create this country.
OLBERMANN: Petoria or America?
BUSH: America.  People like me bled and died to get our independence from the Brits.  And if it hadn't been for people like me, we'd all be speaking English right now.
OLBERMANN: We really dodged the bullet on that one, didn't we?
BUSH: Damn skippy.  So you better...what was I talking about?
OLBERMANN: Yup, this is why I went into journalism.

  Oh, the losses that would have been had from opposing this Administration.