Keith Olbermann hates kittens...and other headlines the NY Post should pull out its ass

Summary: The NY Post has done a story about how a "restless leg syndrome" drug has unfortunate, sexual side effects, and about how Keith Olbermann was diagnosed with RLS, and about how this drug will make him less than sexually adequate should he choose to use it (which the article implies he will, or else why bother publishing this?).

I know the Post has its problems with Mr. Olbermann, but this is a really sad attempt to ruin him.  Now if you really want to take him down, let someone who's actually watched the show (that'd be me) tell you how it's done.

Headline: Keith Olbermann and NBC knowingly hire illegal immigrants

  The rightwing media loves to talk about illegal immigrants, and how they're destroying America, or trying to reconquer it on behalf of the broken Mexican government that the illegals came here to get away from in the first place.  So if Bill O'Reilly is willing to keep pushing the idea that NBC's parent company is dealing with Iranian terrorists, why not make a story about how NBC (and Olbermann in particular) hired illegal immigrants to work as janitors and whatnot?  It'll give Mr. O'Reilly, and Ms. Malkin, and Mr. Dobbs, and so many others something to chime in on.
  Maybe Mr. O'Reilly will even favor us with another "Hulk smash" moment with Geraldo Rivera.

Headline: Keith Olbermann is a pedophile

  Come on, now.  The guy reads Harry Potter, dates a younger woman, and watches Family Guy.  How could he not have photoshopped pictures of a naked Dakota Fanning as his screensaver?
  And besides, you know how Fox loves to think of itself as "protector of the childrens (sic)".  So they'd leap at the opportunity to attach pedophilia to their rival network.

Headline: Keith Olbermann is favorite news anchor of terrorists

  Why nobody's thought of this before now, I don't know.  Anyway, you know how every so often there's a news story about chatter that was heard on "a website frequented by Al Qaeda"?  Why doesn't one of Mr. Olbermann's opponents go onto one of these websites, pretend to be a terrorist, and talk about how they hope the liberal media wipes out the conservative media, because that'll make it easier to conquer this country?
  If you want to evade getting caught in a government sting, all you have to do is warn the Bush Administration beforehand, so they can tell the FBI to ignore you.  As a result, Bill O'Reilly will be free to go onto GollyJihad.com and post this:

Or Ali El Falafel: Allah praise Keith Olbermann.  We're too weak and incompetent to defeat that strategic genius, George W. Bush, in battle.  But if Olbermann can convince enough Americans that Bush is a schmuck, we'll be able to instantly conquer the 5,000,000,000 humans who aren't Muslim.  LOL.  Tell your friends to watch Countdown.

Headline: Keith Olbermann planning to get sex change so he can date Rachel Maddow

  Here's the problem: you take out Olbermann, and you're still left with (as John Gibson so eloquently put it) "that lesbian".  So the Post should really think tactically, and try to take out two birds with one stone...or a Gay Bomb.

Headline: Keith Olbermann tries to give nuclear weapons to Iran

  Think about it.  George Bush and his friends in the media say Iran's building a nuclear weapon.  Olbermann's been trying to do his part to stop Bush from attacking.  What's in Iran that Olbermann doesn't want us to see?  And don't tell me that graphic at the beginning of Countdown of Keith Olbermann's face being blasted "Big Brother"-style on huge screens in an American, nuclear wasteland isn't a sign of his real intentions.

Headline: Keith Olbermann hates kittens

  I think this one is particularly brilliant, because it takes a divide-and-conquer approach to Mr. Olbermann's audience.  Leftwingers love kittens.  In fact, odds are that any Kossack who reads this diary is doing so because the word "kittens" was in the title.  So think how betrayed we'd all be if we heard that, when Mr. Olbermann sees those cute, furry, little faces, this image goes through his mind:

  "Dith...tonight's Worst...Pootie...intheWOOOOOOOORLD!"

  Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make a proper attack on Mr. Olbermann.  Otherwise you're just flailing around in desperation, trying any pathetic tactic you can think of in order to wreck this man.